What Some ASD Caregivers Do Wrong: How to Empower Engagement in Children (or Adults) with ASD

A compilation of advice from RBTs across the US*

*Not necessarily from RBTs working in Shining Steps

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Foreword: 

 The essential ingredient in “how to empower engagement for children (or adults) with ASD” is having a loving and respectful relationship. The deeper relationship you build with someone, the more they will engage, listen, and respect your direction. To illustrate:

•  Example A: A traffic cop closes a lane and orders you to take a ten-minute detour. 

You listen out of fear of his authority, not because you care about him or respect his decision.

• Example B: Your spouse says, “Honey, it looks like this lane is closed. It would probably be smarter to go around.” 

 You listen because you love them and respect their decision.

This principle applies twice as strongly when dealing with people with ASD. You must foster a strong relationship before applying the principles below.  

Assuming that this is already the case, let’s continue.

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So, how can you empower engagement for children (or adults) with ASD?

1. Show interest in what they love

An RBT from New Jersey

This is one of my favorite principles. It’s magic.

ASD children (and adults) develop strong interests over random things that no one else has any interest in. Thomas the Tank Engine, dandelions, Heinz ketchup, to name a few. 

Expressing genuine interest and excitement in what they enjoy builds love and respect.

• Jeff is my 12-year-old autistic client. He’s smart, sweet and obsessed with school buses. If one drove by, his eyes glittered and he’d try to run after it.

•  I used to ignore it. Pulling Jeff along,  I’d say “C’mon Jeff you're too big for this,” or  “Jeff! We gotta go! Get over it!”

• He’d have a tantrum, 

          I would get frustrated,

         We made little progress.

• The BCBA advised me to change my approach.

• So I did. The next time I visited Jeff I exclaimed, “Jeff, let's go find a school bus!”

          His eyes widened, “Really?”

         “Yup. C’mon!” 

• We chased school buses all through town, we waved at them, sang for them, and I learned enough about school buses to become a bus mechanic. Since then Jeff listens, follows directions and tantrums less often.

What this experience taught me:

Listen and show interest in what they value, in turn you will gain their trust, attention and engagement. 

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2. Be fun but firm

An RBT from Miami, FL

Being firm is a challenge with any child and especially children with ASD.  Either you give in out of pity or impatience. 

ASD children thrive on consistency, structure, and firm guidance. They love it, crave it and will adore you for it. 

 I learned this principle from an amazing teacher of an ASD class whom I worked with. 

• She radiated energy. Singing and dancing was a daily part of her class. 

• But she was tough. Real tough. She gave clear, firm instruction and expected full follow-through. 

• A student got out of his seat in a disruptive way, she made him sit down and get up again without relenting until he did it properly. 

• …And the children loved her!! 

What this experience taught me:

Being firm and holding your ground, creates structure and consistency that makes them love and interact with you.

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3. Speak their language

An RBT from New York

ASD children (and adults) each have their own "language" which is their unique way of expressing needs and wants. Imagine the frustration of being asked to do something in a language you don’t speak.  

Identifying, learning and speaking their “language” helps them understand, listen and connect to you.

• My client, Kayla is nonverbal and she loves snacks. Throughout the day she’ll point to her watch, then at her mouth indicating “when is snack time?”

• I respond with a nod, meaning “soon”, a frown, meaning “not for a while” or a smile meaning, “right now”.  

• Once, Kayla removed her shoes to run in the school's yard and refused to put them back on. She ignored my commands, cajoling and compliments. 

• After many failed attempts, I tried something different. I pointed to my watch, to my mouth and nodded vigorously, “Snack time is soon!”

• Her shoes were on before I finished nodding. 

What this experience taught me:

Learning their unique way of expression and relating to them in their “language”  helps with comprehension and motivates participation.

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4. Focus on positivity 

An RBT from Los Angeles, CA

I see it too often. ASD caregivers running low on patience resorting to insults and criticism. It’s the number one way to discourage an autistic child (or adult) from engaging. While it may be effective in the moment, in the long run negativity slows progress and creates a stressful and tense environment. 

Here’s the tried and true formula to motivate engagement:

• Positive encouragement + positive reinforcement = love, respect and participation

• Example: “ You’re the quickest runner Lora, let’s see how fast you can make it to the car” +  “Wow Lora that was speedy awesome, highfive!” (in the car) = Lora motivated to listen again.

Children (and adults) with ASD feel emotions deeply and struggle expressing their feelings. Any negativity (ex: insults or criticism) will create hurt feelings and a decreasing desire to interact. 

What this experience taught me:

Using positivity and encouragement is the most effective way to encourage engagement.

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5. Remove triggers

An RBT from Baltimore, Maryland

“Why doesn’t he just listen!?” 

This is a frequent feeling of mine. I can tell my autistic client ten times to do something, maximize every trick in the book, use all sorts of encouragement, and he still won’t listen. Why? 

Then I realized he was triggered. There’s a spider on the wall. 

• After I removed it and calmed him down, I repeated my instruction. Behold! He listened!

• It worked again after I removed the open can of coke on the desk that he really wanted.

Expecting engagement when an ASD child (or adult) is triggered is setting them up for failure.

What this experience taught me:

Before all else, be sure to remove triggers that will prevent them from interacting.

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Handpicked RBTs

RBT’s at Shining Steps aren't just workers, they are relationship specialists invested in curating a strong friendship with your child. They motivate progress with encouragement, devotion and the belief that your child is special and unique.

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So, what do some ASD caregivers do wrong?

Control their child with demands for compliance, instead of empowering them through nurturing a strong, loving relationship.

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  To sum it up: How to empower engagement for children (or adults) with ASD

1. Show interest in what they love
2. Be fun but firm
3. Speak their language
4. Use only positivity
5. Remove triggers

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