ABA vs DIR, Part Two: What Happens When Real Children Don’t Fit Therapy Labels

A clinician-informed Q&A with real parent perspectives on timing, fit, and why flexibility matters more than ideology.

Publishing a deep dive into therapeutic modalities warrants a deeply personal response. Parents, clinicians, and autistic adults shared stories of hope, frustration, and at times, harm. 

This follow-up to our initial ABA vs. DIR article is not meant to settle a debate. Rather, it reflects how these approaches are used in real clinical practice, where children do not develop in straight lines and no single model serves every need forever.

As clinicians, our responsibility is not to pick sides, but to investigate and evaluate what helps a child function, communicate, and engage meaningfully with their world at any given time. 

“It Depends on the Child” Is Not Avoidance, It’s Clinical Accuracy

Families often hear professionals say, “It depends on the child,” and understandably want more clarity. However, this statement reflects the reality that developmental needs shift over time.

One parent described this clearly:

“My daughter needed more ABA until she was verbal and potty trained. Then it became too rigid. We still used behavior charts and rewards at times, but she needed more DIR as she progressed. She is now 24, in college part-time and working part-time.”

This trajectory is not uncommon. Early intervention often prioritizes functional communication, safety, and daily living skills. Later stages may call for emotional flexibility, social nuance, and self-direction.[4] 

Therapy should evolve alongside the child, not remain static out of loyalty to a model.

When ABA Is Clinically Indicated

From a clinical standpoint, ABA is often most effective when a child:

• Does not learn incidentally through observation
• Requires skills to be broken into concrete, teachable steps
• Has limited functional communication
• Engages in behaviors that interfere with safety or learning

Parents across clinical and support communities describe ABA as pivotal in helping their children acquire foundational skills, particularly language.

“Of all the therapies we tried, verbal behavior ABA had the most impact because it finally gave my daughter a way to communicate. Once she could communicate, everything changed.”

Research supports this distinction. Behavioral and naturalistic ABA approaches have been effective in teaching communication, adaptive behavior, and safety, particularly for children who require explicit instruction.[2]

Structure is not about control, it is about access. For some children, learning does not emerge through play alone. Helping kids apply skills across home, school, and community has become a central focus of contemporary ABA.[1]

When Structure Stops Serving the Child

Just as important as knowing when to introduce structure is knowing when to loosen it.

Parents described a point at which highly structured programming became limiting rather than helpful:

“The therapists eventually dropped tabletop work because it stopped working. My daughter refused to participate, so they structured learning in a different way.”

When a child’s motivation is outweighed by compliance, or when skills fail to generalize into real life, a shift is needed. 

Moving towards relationship-based approaches such as DIR/Floortime can then support shared attention, emotional regulation, and flexible problem-solving, skills that often emerge later and cannot be taught solely through discrete trials.[2] 

Addressing Concerns About Harm and Compliance

It’s critical to distinguish outdated and rigid ABA practices from modern applications. Parents today describe experiences that look markedly different. Ethical, child-centered ABA prioritizes choice, engagement, and collaboration.[2,3] As a patient recalled,

“Stims were never targeted. Eye contact was never forced. Learning was adjusted when methods stopped working.”

The question is no longer whether any therapy can be misused, but whether families are empowered to monitor, adjust, and advocate throughout the process. 

The Most Predictive Variable: Parent Involvement

Across research, clinical observation, and parent narratives, one factor consistently predicts better outcomes: active parent involvement.[3]

Parents who reported positive experiences commonly described:

• Participating in goal selection
• Limiting hours to protect rest and play
• Changing therapists when fit was poor
• Integrating learning into everyday life

One parent shared:

“We did 15 hours even though we qualified for 40. Children deserve a childhood. I stayed involved and redirected when needed.”

No therapy replaces parenting. 

One of my son’s therapists focused much of their sessions playing games together on her phone. I was very uneasy until we sat down to clarify what she was doing and why. Don’t be afraid to revisit goals- what’s working and what needs to change. 

You are the most important part of your child’s growth. No therapy model is unsafe when families remain engaged, informed, and attuned.

Moving Beyond “ABA vs. DIR”

In real practice, this is rarely a binary choice. Many children benefit from a sequenced or integrated approach, using varied tools at different stages of development.[1,4]

As two parents in our practice summarized:

“We stuck with what helped and dropped what didn’t. Our goal was never to make our child ‘normal,’ but to help them be the best version of themselves.”

“Combining ABA for communication skills with DIR play sessions helped my child gradually participate in group activities, something neither approach alone could achieve at that stage.”

This should be the end goal for all good clinicians: Independence, communication, and quality of life while honoring individuality, irrespective of personal or professional beliefs.

Our Clinical Philosophy at Shining Steps ABA

At Shining Steps ABA, we do not believe children should conform to therapy models. We believe therapy should respond to the child in front of us today. 

Sometimes that means structure, other times it means slowing down. Often, it means knowing when to shift. Flexibility is not a lack of conviction, it’s good clinical care and a key part of the child’s therapeutic process.

Ready to make informed therapy decisions for your child? Connect with our clinicians at Shining Steps ABA to tailor a plan that evolves with your child’s needs.

Q&A with Sora Lee, Lead BCBA & Clinical Director at Shining Steps

Below, we have included an original interview from our Clinical Director, presented without modification. These answers reflect Sora’s professional judgment, and seek to provide transparency for families seeking deeper insight.

How Is ABA Different from DIR/Floortime?

Every child is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. Families often ask how ABA therapy compares to DIR/Floortime, and when one might be the best fit for their child. At Shining Steps ABA, we believe families deserve clear, honest, and compassionate answers.

When ABA Can Be Especially Helpful

1. When Safety Is a Concern

ABA can be especially helpful if a child struggles with behaviors that impact safety, such as:

• Aggression or hitting, property destruction
  
• Self-injury
  
• Running away (elopement)
  
• Intense emotional reactions that are difficult to manage

ABA helps identify why a behavior is happening (i.e., the function of behavior) and teaches safer, more effective ways for children to communicate their needs. At Shining Steps, we also empower parents by teaching them the same skills while being their partner throughout the journey.

2. When a Child Needs Step-by-Step Teaching

Some children benefit from clear, structured teaching. ABA is often helpful for children who:

• Need skills broken down into smaller steps
  
• Learn best with repetition and consistency
  
• Need extra support with communication, learning, or daily living skills

This approach helps children build confidence and independence at their own pace. At Shining Steps ABA, we meet the child, teen, or young adult where they are. Using a strength-based approach, we apply ABA methodologies to support progress in each individual’s developmental areas of need.

3. When Families Want Clear, Measurable Progress

ABA focuses on skills that matter in everyday life, including:

• Communicating wants and needs
  
• Following routines
  
• Toileting, dressing, feeding, and hygiene skills
  
• Skills needed for school and community settings

Progress is tracked carefully so families can see growth and make informed decisions together.

4. When Skills Need to Work in Real Life

At Shining Steps ABA, we focus on helping children use their skills across settings- at home, at school, and in the community. We also work closely with caregivers so progress continues outside of therapy sessions.

How ABA Has Evolved Over Time

Modern ABA looks very different from outdated stereotypes. Today’s ABA is flexible, child-centered, and focused on quality of life.

What Modern, Child-Centered ABA Looks Like

• Assent-Based Care: Children are never forced to participate. Therapists respect comfort, choice, and emotional safety.
  
• Play-Based and Natural Learning: Skills are taught through play, routines, and activities your child enjoys.
  
• Strengths-Based and Neuro-Affirming: We focus on building skills while honoring each child’s individuality.
  
• Whole-Child Support: ABA supports emotional regulation, independence, confidence, and self-advocacy—not just behavior reduction.
  
• Collaboration with Other Therapies: ABA often works alongside speech therapy, occupational therapy, and developmental approaches like DIR/Floortime.

Our Philosophy at Shining Steps ABA

At Shining Steps, we view therapy as a partnership with families. We combine the science and structure of ABA with kindness, flexibility, and play, so children feel safe, supported, and empowered as they grow.

Our goal is simple: to help your child build meaningful skills while honoring who they already are. We are with you every step of the way.

Sora has spent over 18 years helping children and families thrive through compassionate, evidence-based care. She is deeply passionate about creating inclusive environments where every child’s voice is valued and celebrated.

References

1. Behavioral Sciences (2024) Contemporary perspectives on ABA and developmental integration.
2. Interdisciplinary Council on Development and Learning (ICDL) ABA or DIR/Floortime?
3. Kennedy Krieger Institute Floortime and Pivotal Response Treatment. 
4. Sandbank, M et al. (2022) Autism intervention meta-analysis for studies of young children.
5. WoNDIRful Play. DIR vs. ABA.
6. Science-Based Parenting (2023) Early intervention: ABA vs DIR. Reddit forum
7. Wrong Planet Autism Forum (2015) ABA, VB, and developmental approaches discussion.