An ASD Mom’s Holiday Survival Guide

Imagine your 8-year-old ASD child walking into a crowded holiday party. Every sense hits at once. Voices overlap- laughter, clinking dishes, music, people calling his name. His brain tries to process every sound with no filter. Lights flash. Tree ornaments shimmer. Cousins thump up and down the stairs. Then Great-Uncle Jim swoops in for a hug.

Your child can’t breathe. His sweater scratches his neck. The room feels hot. The pumpkin pie stinks. Grandma’s perfume burns his nose. His heart races; breathing gets shallow. His brain shifts into survival mode: escape. He hides under the table and cries.
Someone whispers, “Why is he hiding?” Another chimes in, “Isn’t he a bit old for this?”
He bolts upstairs and stays there for the rest of the night.
You feel embarrassed, maybe ashamed. Why can’t he behave like the other kids?

This isn’t a failure. It’s sensory overload: too much, too fast, with no way for his nervous system to organize it. Research shows ASD children experience heightened over-responsivity that escalates under environmental demands, such as the holidays¹.

Holidays Through an ASD Lens

As an ASD mom, I’ve spent years wanting to cancel next year’s Christmas before this one even ended. Meltdowns are common. My kid hates Santa. Gift-giving feels like a booby trap. I’ve spent more holidays acting like a referee than a parent.

But over time, I’ve learned how to meet my child’s needs without giving up the joy of the season for the rest of the family. Here are the strategies that changed our holidays from chaotic to manageable, even enjoyable!

1. Logistical Prep: Your Biggest Lifesaver

Start with a clear holiday calendar and talk through everything before it happens:

• When decorating starts
• How the house will look and ‘feel’ afterwards.
  
• Which days are off school
  
• Where you’re going (mall, trips, family gatherings)
  

Include your child in simple decisions:

• How many people will be at each event
  
• Food, activity, or gift preferences
  
• Whether they’d rather shop online or in person
  
• A small decorating task they can “own”
  

Use a visual calendar and revisit it often. If plans change, help them regulate by narrating calmly:

“I know this wasn’t planned. Here’s what it looks like now.”

Wrap and store gifts out of sight to reduce pre-holiday overstimulation. Small steps can decrease explosive reactions².

2. Emotional Prep

The holidays stir up big emotions: jealousy, sensory overwhelm, sibling rivalry, and transitions.

Try:

• Identifying predictable stress points
  
• Using emotion cards or a code word for “I’m overwhelmed”
  
• Keeping fidgets accessible
  
• Creating a “busy box” for downtime
  

Anticipating emotional spikes builds confidence and supports smoother family participation².

3. Let It Go: Expectations Are the Enemy

Maybe you pictured perfect photos in matching christmas sweaters. Reality might be:

• Ten minutes of tolerance
  
• Scratchy clothes triggering a meltdown
  
• Tears halfway through the outing
  

Try:

• “Let’s take ten photos in a sweater that feels comfy for you.”
  
• “We’ll go to the mall for one hour, we can stay only if you want.”
  

Respect refusals. If your child won’t see Santa or greet relatives, don’t force it. You’re raising a child, not managing the crowd.

4. Recognize Early Signs of Overload

Many ASD kids “hold it together” until they can’t.⁵  Watch for:

• Covering ears
  
• Withdrawing or zoning out
  
• Hyperactivity, irritability or sudden aggression
  
• Increased stimming
  

When you see early signs:

• Move somewhere quiete
  
• Get down to their eye level
  
• Ask: “What would help right now?”
  

Quick supports:

• Noise-canceling headphones or fidget tools
  
• A short walk
  
• Preferred snack or comforting treat
  

Understanding your child’s sensory ‘threshold’ reduces meltdowns³.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries (For Them AND You)

Supporting sensory needs doesn’t mean accommodating everything.
Research shows that excessive accommodation can increase parental distress and reduce a child’s coping mechanisms over time¹.

Balance the two:

• Breaks or opting out at times= healthy
  
• Avoiding all discomfort or allowing disruptive behavior = limiting
  

A good therapist or OT can help tailor what’s flexible and what’s firm.

6. Keep It Fun (Without Losing Your Mind)

Pick your top three holiday activities and ignore the rest.

Low-stimulation ideas:

• Movie nights or bake-offs
  
• Scenic drives to see lights
  
• One “big” outing aligned with their  interests (dinosaurs? planes? trains?)
  

Expect setbacks. Laugh when things go sideways. Imperfection eases pressure for everyone.

7. Maintain Routine

Small anchors make a big difference:

Food: Keep safe foods on hand- hungry kids melt faster.
Activity: Turn favorite activities holiday-themed (sensory bins with bells, wrapping paper crafts).
Sleep: Stick to bedtime whenever possible. End outings early enough for a proper wind-down.

Neurodivergent kids cope better when the foundation stays stable⁴.

8. Location, Location, Location

Missouri “chill spots” for sensitive kids:

• Libraries or community centers with quiet rooms
  
• Museums with sensory-friendly hours
  
• Malls with “quiet Santa” times (Battlefield Mall’s SantaCares⁷ is a great option, book early!)
  
• Nature centers, state parks, botanical gardens
  

Check out this holiday guide with sensory-friendly options across all five Missouri regions.

9. Go Easy on Yourself

You’re juggling sensory needs, siblings, plans, expectations, and your own exhaustion. You’re allowed to protect your nervous system too.

Try:

• Asking your partner for extra help
  
• Hiring a sitter for an hour
  
  
• Taking a five-minute coffee reset or walk outside
  
  
• Requesting small accommodations from relatives
  (e.g., lowering the music at the family party, choosing a quiet place for the ‘cousin meet-up’)
  
  

Your child learns self-regulation by watching you model it.

Takeaway

Family-centered practice doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself or your other kids. It means creating a holiday rhythm that supports your ASD child while preserving joy for everyone. Beautiful chaos is still beautiful.
With preparation, attunement, and self-compassion, the holidays can be meaningful- I daresay magical, without turning your home into a battlefield.

You’re not alone, and you’re doing better than you think.

Need extra guidance? Shining Steps therapists can help your family reduce sensory stress, plan strategically, and support your child’s growth. We’re here for you!

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References

¹Ben-Sasson, A., & Zisserman, A. (2025). Sensory Family Accommodation for Autistic and Sensory Overresponsive Children: The Mediating Role of Parenting Distress Tolerance. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 79(3), 7903205110.
²Daly, G., Jackson, J., & Lynch, H. (2022). Family life and autistic children with sensory processing differences. Frontiers in Psychology, 13:940478.
³Johns Hopkins Medicine. Minimizing holiday stress for children with autism.
⁴Autism Alliance. Tips for reducing holiday stress.
⁵Parents.com. 6 Tips for helping sensory-sensitive kids enjoy the holidays.
⁶Phoenix Autism. The holiday survival guide for families with autism.
⁷SantaCares Program

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